You Know you moved into a ghetto slum when…
- You wake up in the morning to the sound of beer bottles being kicked around the front yard by your kids after they were tossed the previous night by people walking by on the common area path and grass out the front.
- You have a constant buzzing in your ears which is not tinnitus but can be attributed to the ten or so unregistered wrecks of motorbikes your neighbours kids ride up and down the common area 24/7.
- Instead of checking out the neighbours gardens you check out the graffiti tags sprayed on the front of their houses and fences. Of course it doesn’t match up to your own red black sprayed combination above your own front door…now to figure out what it says…
- Your son comes in during the afternoon in great excitement commenting the cat fight out the front. You call the other kids out the front to check out the cute pussycats only to see that its a bunch of teen girls trading blows and yelling teen insults and half of them have knives
- The swearing that wafts through your front windows manages to make even you blush and you have learned at least five new insults and expressions this week.
- You take all your valuables with you when you go out rather than come home to find them missing.
- The house next door has a permanent string of various vehicles and riff raff pulling up at your joint back gate.. but you never have to wait too long to get out if they block you in cos strangely each only stays five mins and drives off furtively.
- The same said house next door seems to party all night and have a constant cloud of sweet smelling herbal smoke hanging over the roof.
- You drive into the street of an afternoon and crane your neck to read the new graffiti writing on the tar road.
- You’d rather turn off the tv at night around 11pm and sit out the front smoking a cigarette in the cool breeze and listen to the various domestic disputes yelled out by drunken drug fucked up units as clear as a bell.
- You then shake your head in amazement as the young neighbour rides up on a sick sounding deatbeat ex postie bike as drunk and loudly uncouth as a wombat with indigestion along with two mates hanging off the back end each carrying a slab (24 bottle case of beer)
- You drive around the “hood” and play spot the broken windows with the kids for points.
- The cars in yards are all on blocks with panels and motors missing
- You see your drunken female neighbour from two doors up being carried home over the shoulders of the local football team after a heavy night at the local pub.
- The neighbour boy comes to visit at 8am and leaves when you finally send him home at 9pm after his mother hasn’t enquired on his whereabouts or hunger factor all day.
- learn to let the sounds of sirens and burglar alarms lull you to sleep.
- You realize why everyone in the ghetto has a dog when your yard and the neighbours next door is used as a shortcut thoroughfare by some drunken knob and every canine within 5 kilometres starts yelping loudly sending you shivering under your bed covers in fear.
- You spend more time triple checking that each window and door is doubled locked and deadbolted when leaving to go out than putting the kids seatbelts on and settling their “who is sitting where fights in the car”
- At lunchtime you play “spot the person without a beer bottle in their hands walking past the house” and give up after two hours without a score.
- The kids learn inside a week how to tell the difference between fireworks exploding, a letter box or car bomb igniting and a gunshot.. amazing feat when all are banned in this country..
- On Australia day even the dogs and garbage bins are adorned by cheap ass “Made in China” Australian Flags
and finally.. you know you are living in a ghetto when….
- The pest and cockroach inspector gets to know you so well and sees you so often that he asks you out on a date after a week.
Happy Australia Day Peoples.. I love my country.. a land of contrasts…..
and hopefully Tom will allow me to answer comments this blog.. Love to you all……….
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